


First Date

by Enchantedtalisman



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, First Date, Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-13
Updated: 2013-04-13
Packaged: 2017-12-08 09:50:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/759995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enchantedtalisman/pseuds/Enchantedtalisman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard's normally good at this, but he's just messing up again and again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	First Date

**Author's Note:**

> I've been playing Mass Effect for like two weeks? Rushed through it the first time and haven't finished the third because I hear something bad happens--but. I do know one thing, I would marry Joker if I could just for the scene in ME2.
> 
> And since for some reason he's not a romance option, I wrote this. Though I'm not sure if it's good, it was sorta on the fly and rather short but I feel like it came together.

 

 Shepard's a bit clumsy, he'll admit. But he's desperately trying. He thinks from the way Joker smiles too tight that he's trying too hard.

He knows because he walks too close to Joker throughout the Citadel and Joker gets this look on his face—even though Shepard knows Joker's new braces are the latest tech, and even heal any possible problems before they become anything serious.

Joker doesn't even complain about the brief pain that Shepard _knows_ he feels before the automated medication kicks in.

Somehow though they get through a dinner that runs a little quieter and more embarrassing then most of Shepard's first dates, but then there's one fatal question that Shepard can't believe slips out of his mouth, “Would you like to dance?”

Joker blinks, opens his mouth, and smiles humorlessly, “Can't, Shep.”

Shepard stammers and sputters, but it's too late, Joker's already left the table. “Fuck.” He sits there staring at the chair for a long time before covering his eyes and ordering a bottle of Jack.

When the waitress comes, Shepard grabs it out of her hand and shakes his head at the glass, before taking a long drink.

~`~

Edi's not talking to Shepard. She's also refusing him certain privileges that he's enjoyed throughout the last three to four years. Some of them not being that much of an inconvenience, but not having your alarm ring when your the commander of a ship is something he needs to talk to her about—she can mess with his food so he gets onions on his burger, or has to take the stairs everywhere but he's still the _Commander_.

“Edi.” Shepard rubs a hand through his hair and feels the grease—he grimaces. She's also been keeping him from taking more than one shower every two days, which is just one more thing that makes this whole thing ridiculous.

“Yes, Commander?”

“I'm not quite sure why you've been acting this way, but if anything I am _still_ the Commander of this ship. We have a War going on. I can't have you messing with my sleep schedule and the few scant times I get to wash between missions.” Shepard taps his foot and crosses his arms, almost feeling stupid for venting at the AI while behind the med-bay, at least no one could see him.

“If you have time to take a shower than you definitely have time to apologize to Joker.” Edi sounds reproachful.

Shepard flushes, shame leaving him with a sick feeling in his stomach, “He told you about that? What so you think I meant to embarrass him like that? I'm used to smooth pick up lines and quick wit. He-he makes me nervous. I'm so used to having a script for when things go wrong, but that line just-fuck.” He covers his face with a hand and takes a deep breath. He's Commander Fuckin' Shepard. He does not cry because he fucked up a date.

Edi doesn't speak for a while before humming thoughtfully. “You still hurt Joker badly. He hasn't made fun of my newly acquired body in a week. You should buy him flowers or perhaps obtain chocolate for him.”

Shepard flush grows and he knows that it's past his chest by now, “Thanks Edi, but I think I should leave him alone. I fucked up pretty bad.”

Edi sighs (and how did she learn to do that over the intercom?). “As you wish Shepard.”

~`~

After that Shepard is tempted to go talk to Joker. He even grabs a few roses from this little market on a nearby planet they visit to refuel. But, he throws them away the instant he gets on board. Edi tutts but no one finds the roses, which Shepard assumes means Edi doesn't hate him anymore.

Joker should be _angry_ or at least say something, but he acts the same—maybe a bit more subdued, but otherwise doesn't quite look at Shepard, and tends to cross his arms over his legs as if _he's_ ashamed.

It makes Shepard pace in the shuttlebay and it becomes so bad Vega actually offers to take him out for drinks. (The man's dutiful attempt to stay apart from Shepard outside of missions is obviously not strong enough for Shepard's depression—or constantly interrupting his workouts.)

They drink heavily and Shepard's never told anyone but he spills what happened, three weeks ago, to Vega.

Vega claps him on the back and tells him how to get back together with Joker, and because they've finished ten Salarian Alcohol Braintwisters, the ideas make sense to Shepard. So, with Vega's steady arm holding him up (Shepard's not quite sure how the man's still standing but he is) they go buy a hundred flowers from different various different planets, and three models of different ships, a bottle of the finest Asari wine (which Shepard later realizes he'll have to explain to Hackett), and Vega convinces him a dildo is important and then somehow makes him buy a Krogan one.

They reach the ship and separate ways. Shepard holds onto the device that's holding the flowers, which he is still tempted to play with, but remembers Joker, and this is important so he puts on his Commander Face, and walks up to the Pilot's room.

It's near his own cabin, which is nice, except for something that he can't remember why. He knocks and leans against it.

A groan from inside before there are steps (Shepard suddenly wonders what Joker looks like barefoot in sleepwear and feels a flush run across his cheeks), and the door slides open.

Shepard falls to the ground, and frowns at sock-clad feet.

“Commander? What the actual fuck?” Joker's face is surprisingly soft even when angry, or maybe it's the residue of sleep still leaving his face.

Shepard blinks slowly at Joker before holding up the device, with a press of his thumb flowers spray out of the device. He realizes soon after that laying down and being covered with a hundred flowers is a problem.

Joker coughs and waves his hand, moving back until all Shepard can see is flowers of different colors everywhere.

A hand grabs Shepard and pulls and there's an audible crack, “Fuck, Shepard, seriously. You're the only guy who offers flowers and still gets my arm to fucking break while apologizing.”

Shepard scrambles up, guilt and shock pushing away the warm feeling of alcohol and finally confronting this thing between them.

The Pilot's on the floor, biting his lip raw and holding his left arm. “Fuck, Shepard.”

“Sorry, God Dammit. I am an idiot.” Shepard's hands aren't working properly, they slide across Joker's skin but he can't really feel where the crack is, and he winces hoping he's not making the pain worse. He pulls at his cargo pants suddenly, because he always keeps medigel and one weapon on him at all times now. “Here, god dammit.”

“Woah, buddy I'm not-fuck this hurts, not in the mood for sex right now.” Joker bites his lip again.

Shepard grunts and pulls out a medigel-inserts it quickly and is glad when Joker's face relaxes.

“Thanks Shep.” Joker grins, and his eyes rack over Shepard's body before snapping up to Shepard's face. He frowns, “But you still suck for coming to my room drunk.”

Shepard rolls his eyes, and knows that he's somewhat forgiven. His hands roam hesitantly over Joker's arm and he's pretty sure he didn't decide to do that consciously. “Sorry. God dammit. Should have done this when I wasn't drunk.” He's pretty sure the adrenaline’s fading, and he feels a little sleepy and mostly guilty—more than he had before.

Joker sighs and gently bumps his fist at Shepard's shoulder. “There's a couch next to my vid-screen. You can sleep there, because I can just imagine what would happen if I left you to sleep on the floor. And tomorrow your cleaning this shit up.”

Shepard nods, and grabs Joker's hand, careful and rubs their fingers together. “I didn't mean to insult you. You know I would never make fun of you.” He knows the instant the words are out of his mouth that if he wasn't drunk as fuck he probably wouldn't have said anything so honest.

“Yeah, well, maybe I would like to dance with you.” Joker smiles, and closes his hand around Shepard's.

 


End file.
